A lot of girls fear the first time they have to bring a significant other home to their parents. In my case my parents weren't a huge worry. My protective older brother, on the other hand, was. Right before my second date with my first serious boyfriend my brother decides that he wanted to meet this boy because he didn't understand how he knew every other person in town except for this boy.
Before he actually met my date my brother's best friend, Kyle, and I sat in the living room as my brother sat in nothing but his boxers and discussed what he was going to do when my date came in to meet him. His most disturbing and entertaining idea was to put socks on his hands and use them as puppets. He even demonstrated to Kyle and I by using his sock puppets to say "Hi Philip! How are you!" At that I gave him two conditions to meeting Philip: 1. He was not to use the sock puppets. and 2. He had to wear pants. He agreed to the first condition on account to not wanting my date to think he was mentally retarded. In response to the second condition he draped a blanket over his legs to make it look like he was wearing pants rather than just picking up his pants that were laying in the middle of the floor in front of him and actually putting them on his body. After my terribly demanding conditions were established Kyle and I went outside to wait for my doomed date to arrive.
Kyle sat down in a wooden chair on the front porch, took a knife from his pocket and stabbed it into the arm of the chair. As I was yelling at him to put it away my date stepped onto the porch. I looked at him nervously and said, "Hi, this is my brother's friend, Kyle. Kyle, this is Philip."
Kyle shook his and said hi, then sat back down and said, "You can go on in now, Megan's brother is very anxious to meet you." I instantly thought the sentence, wait am I suddenly in a scene of The Godfather? But, Unfortunately, I was not in a scene of The Godfather, this was actually my life.
I walked Philip into the house and lead him down the hall way, into the living room, where James sat, pantsless in the corner arm chair to "assert himself as the dominate male". When we walked in James was pretending to sleep (possibly another technique to assert himself as the man of the house?).
"James, James, wake up." I said, admittedly holding back laughter.
"W-w-what?" He stuttered as he pretended to wake up from his fake slumber.
"This is Philip. Philip, This is my brother, James."
James looked over the boy who was taking out his sister and simply said, "Oh. Okay." He looked across the room at the remote control he planted. "Philip would you mind getting that remote for me?" Philip responded with "Oh sure" and picked up the remote and gave it to him. Test passed.
We left the house and returned to the front porch with Kyle. At this point we were almost successfully out of the house with no mention that James was still sitting beneath his blanket with no pants on. Until we were about to leave and Kyle said "Hey, is your brother still not wearing pants?"
I looked at Philip, "Um I'm not sure."
"He was wearing a blanket..." Philip answered.
Kyle and I both shook our heads and said "No. He's not wearing pants." When we got to the car, Philip asked me "So why wasn't your brother wearing pants?" I had no real response when he asked. And now the only real reason I could come up with for James not wearing pants and just generally acting the way he did is that his strategy for scaring away my boyfriends was to act as weird and socially unacceptable as possible.
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